Unlovable

You must be taught to be unlovable
And we have mastered the lesson.
Our fathers, former students, have become the teachers,
Through unintended lesson plans with the “I’s” of illigitimacy and insecurity dotted.

We are very intimate with childish games.
They jump in and out of our lives like a game of Double Dutch
And we are unable to dodge the sting of Their absence.
Our birthdays share the relevance of Wednesdays.
We ingest our sadness like cake and ice cream
And allow it to eat us from the inside out.
We bring our insecurity blanket for show-and-tell that keeps us warm,
Far into adulthood
and becomes a hand-me-down for our children.
Shame is our second-skin.
We wear it to graduations, football games, and dances.

We must be taught to be unlovable
and we have mastered the lesson
That 2+1 does not always equal 3 when a child is born.
That sometimes we grow up to feel like 1/2 a man
And a fraction of a woman.
We multiply,
Carry the remainder into every relationship
Without factoring our division into the equation.
We then become the teachers
Because we have mastered the lesson so well.

Tags: absent dad, absent father, insecurity, sadness, shame